The Blood Coven

For those of you who don't know much about me I'm a big reader. I like books about Vampires and all that dark stuff you might say. I've always been into the whole vampire and goth stuff. I guess it comes from always been sick growing up that got me into wanting to be a vampire. The thought of living for all eternte and never being sick sounded so good (it still dose). But anyway the reason i'm telling you some of this is because of the Author (Mari Mancusi) I just finshed all the books she has out on her vampire storyes (A Blood Coven Vampire) books. They are so good and they keep you guessing and going threw all the emoshens as what the people in the book are going threw. It is great to read something that you can't but down. If you like to read about vampires and things the come out at night read these books. Boys that Bite, Stake That, Girls that Growl and Bad Blood.

A little Bleeding

It looks like my Husband should be home in about 5 months, I guess i'm happy. We have so much to work on when he gets back, I just hope we can work things out. He dosen't call or e-mail me that much. He said that he is just so bussy over there and he may bee.

Anyway the kids and I are doing ok. My daughter is done with Volleyball (thank you Lord). She made it through with out getting hurt or I should say with breaking anything. My son is doing good in his classes and is likeing Jr high or Middle school whatever there calling it now. As for me I'm just working all the time and hanging out with my kids and driving them around. I've been reading but not doing any writeing. Although i've been running stuff threw my head just haven't but in down on paper. My Daught is writeing a story and doing Poems she had me make up a poem to tell her right off the top of my head and she said that she dosen't like the ones that start with the same letter. She is still doing her drawing to. She ask me if I would think bad of her if her poems where a little dark. I told her to let me read it and see. So she let me read it and it was dark but I told her I didn't think that she was doing or thinking anything bad, just that she wanted to write about the stuff that people are scard to talk about. Then I showed her some of my poems that are dark. My daught is like me in the dressing and in so many other ways but she looks like her Dad. My son is writting also he said that he is working on a book witch is cool. He looks like is dad too. I think he also takes after his dad in other ways to but he tell's that he is like me. I've been the one taking care of the kids there whole life and it will be hard to see them go off on there own. My daughter is a 9th grader this year and she is always telling (you only have me for four more years) and my son is a 6th grader. Anyway let me get off before I start to show that I can bleed real tears. Have a good Day everyone.

Work is going and the kids are not that bad. The bus is a little loaded with my middle school kids, but it all works out there only on the bus for about 15 mins if that.

Tonight is going, but I feel like I should be writing my book that I'm working on for my kids. I've only got about 5 chapters on it. I started to write another book one that my kids won't be readying until there 18yrs. old. I try not to let my kids see the dark side of myself. Some say that I'm a bad mother because I have a darker side, it's nothing bad. I just write stuff about blood and death and talk little about the stuff most don't like to talk about. My kids don't understand why I don't just drop them off at different place like there friends mom's do. I try and tell my kids the truth witch is there is no need for kids to be drop off somewhere all day and not be picked up until late at night. I would rather have a house full of kids then have them at a mall or somewhere where they could be taken or get into trouble. Don't get me wrong I don't think bad about those who let there kids do stuff like that it's just me. I guess it's because I've seen the dark side of life growing up and don't want something to happen to my kids if I can help it. Anyways thinks for letting me bleed out again.

Sister in Law

On July 31, 2010 my brother's ex-wife and mother of there two boys past away. She was only 33yrs.old I'm six months older then her and we share the same name. The family still thinks of her as family. I was asked to stay away for awhile to give the family so time to deal. I would not have been asked this if we didn't have the same name and be the same age, but I have not said anything or done anything. The funeral will be on Friday and me and my two kids will be going to pay our respects.
I don't know how well this is going to go because some of her family is already fighting about the way the funeral is going to be done. All I can do is ask God to watch over everyone and that all will go well.

Today are Church started there VBS witch had 54 kids show up for today. It was great to see so many young kids here with are youth. It also turned into a day of sadness for My Daughter and Myself, because we had a Memorial service to attend to day. It was for our young friend who took her own life. It was very sad and very biter sweet remembering her and laughing with others when they shared memories of her with us. She will be missed and live on in our hearts and memories. Thanks for letting me bleed out.

Today has been one of those days to make you think about Life and Death. It is hard to talk to your children about death, but it is even harder to have to talk to them about someone taking there own Life. It's really hard though when it's a teen and a friend of your daughters. Just so people will know my kids are 14yrs. old and
11yrs. old. But to tell the Truth my kids are taking it well. But I don't think it has sunk in to them yet. I've been spending a lot of time with my kids today witch was good for us. I try to spend a lot of time with my kids but it is sad that sometimes it takes a tragedy to bring family's close. I'm not saying that that is what happened here. Anyway thinks for letting me Bleed Out.

Black Rose

Lost Of A Young Soul

I just got a phone call at 6:45 a.m from one of my daughter's Friends Mom to tell me that on of her friends that had tried to take there own life had passed away this Morning. The young girl that did this I didn't know to well but me and my family got to spend the day with her two and half weeks ago while my Husband was home for R&R from Iraq. I don't know what happened to make her thank that this was the best thing for her or why she didn't want to go on living. All that I do know is that I need to be there for my daughter and her friends. We can ask why tell where blue in the face but the fact is that some of us will never no why and that's just something that we will need to learn to live with. We need to remember the good times that we had with them and the sad. Just remembering them and being there for other's who knew her. I just ask that you send up a prayer for all of this Young girls family and friends.

Take care and Thank you for Letting me Bleed Out.

My Husband left to go back to Iraq Sunday. It was nice having him home and really hard to have to say goodbye again. While he was home he told me that he is thanking about staying over in Iraq until January 2012. So it looks like I will be playing the rule of a single Mom a little longer then I was planing (oh well). Other than that there's not a lot going on right now. Take care and have a great day.

My Husband called to let me know he should be home tomorrow night. Can't wait to see him. Were going to spend the night in the City then come home the next day. The kids can't wait to see there Dad and wish they could go with me to the airport to pick up there Dad. But they understand that Mom and Dad need a little time only, plus it helps him unwind.

I know I'm happy that his comming home for his two weeks r&r but in some ways I wish he would stay there until time for him to come home for good. It's so hard on the kids and me only to see him for a short time.

Sorry I didn't get this posted yesterday. Thought I would give you an update.

He is home and he got in so much sooner then he told me he would. I had to have him wait on me. See we live about an hour and thrity mins away from the airport, but he was ok with that. So know we are at the hotel and trying to have fun in Bricktown.

I've got to talk to my Husband a few days ago and it was nice to hear his voice. The kids got to talk to him this time too witch was good for all of them. This is only the second time in three months that he has been able to talk to the kids.
I was telling my Husband about a bike run i'm going to be going on this Saturday it's the S.O.B Run and about a bike that I saw and would like to get for myself. He asked me how much it was so I told him. There was a short pause on the phone and then he says so are you going to go buy it this weekend. I told him no I was just letting him know that I liked it was looking at trying to buy something right know, so my Husband being who he is says if you want it and we can afford it get it.

My friend told me today when I was telling her about that I should know that he would give me anything I wanted. I thought, that that was funny. See the only thing I ever wanted from him is his love and for him to always be faithful to me and he has already been unfaithful to me. But we have been working on things so I wont open up any old wounds.

We do try to get each other anything we want or need the same goes for our kids. I just wish I could have more of him. For I like having him home and in our bed, it's nice to wake up with him there. He just wish I could sleep when his home, because he knows I don't really sleep when his gone. Even though it would been nice to have him home more, I new he was military when we were dating and when we got married so that doesn't really bother me. See I don't mind being alone or being only raising the kids. Sometimes I get so pulled into just staying in my room and letting the Kids have the rest of the house I forget that there home, until they come in the room to talk to me. They are really good kids. It scares me to think what it will be like with my Husband home after he retires and we have to share a house. See we are so different in so many ways that it's funny to are friends when there around us, but that is something altogether different.

Any way only two days left of summer school...thank havens. The kids and the teacher I have to drive is driving my crazy. But anyway I guess I should get off and get ready for bed because in a few hours I will need to be getting up to get ready to go to work.

To all of those that are Serving there Country Thank You and a Major Thank You to all the Spouse and there Children.

14 June 2010

I got to talk to my Husband today, it was so good to hear his voice. The man can drive me crazy (sexually) with his voice or just look or even a touch. He thinks I'm making it up about how he can drive me crazy that way. Even if I'm mad at him and I don't want to be turned on because I want to hang on to my anger all he has to do look at me and I'm ready to go to bed with him. What can I say I guess I'm easy when comes to him.

He will be coming home for his week R&R next month and I can't wait. It will be good for the kids to see there DAD. I think it will also make it hard when his leave is up and the kids have to by again to him. I know it will be hard on him as well and I'm not going to be happy with it either but it's what he has to do.

I try to not let it get to me, I mean he was in the army when we meat so I knew what I was getting into. Even though it is hard I am very proud of him for he is a great solider (father, and Husband) I need to tell him that more. For me it's hard with how much he keeping going over there because it dose change him a little more each time. My fear is that he will come back like my dad did from Vietnam (violent). So fare the only thing that has change it doesn't take him long to get upset and his driving (road rage). But other than that all is ok. I try not to push his buttons when he is getting up set but it's hard for me I'm not one who likes to back down. It comes from having a father who like to hit not just my mom but also me. Some say it was my own doing because I would step in front of my mom or run my mouth at him. To me backing to shows fear or weakness. Me I think so times I'm just to stupid to know when to let something go. My Mom says that I'm hard headed and don't like to feel like someone is trying to push me around or walk over me. Maybe she's right, I don't want to be helpless like she was or like she felt. I don't blame my Mom for me getting hit, for that was all me I should of stayed out of adult stuff. I have two older bothers how were smart enough to stay out of it.

That's all I feel like I need to bleed out for now.

Ride

Went on a poker run today to help a friend who has cancer. Me being me didn't even know that he had cancer until yesterday. But it was good to be on the run and see him and his family the only bad thing is that he wife told me that there is no cure for his type of cancer that there just trying to slow it down. I really hope that they can find a cure for him. He seemed in good sprites witch was good.

For me it was nice to be out on a bike even though I was on the back. See I have my own bike, but not feeling to good to ride my own plus I haven't had much ride time yet. Never a good ideal to try to do something your not ready for because not only could you get hurt but so could other people. Got sun burnt but it's ok because being on a bike was so nice.

I haven't heard from my Husband for over a week maybe longer it's had to keep up with. So times I don't know if he really did call or if it was just in my dreams that I talked to him. Can't wait for him to get home for good.

Thanks again for letting me bleed a little again tonight.

rain

Today was rainy and moggy the type of day that made you feel sleepy all day. Witch makes it hell if you drive a bus, because then it's hot and your windows are all foggy and if you open a window it rains all over you. Like I said it's hell when it rains. The day has gone by slow for today and I guess all is well for my husband. I haven't heard from him in a few days so I guess he is busy witch is good for him. It will help his days go by faster. There's not much on my mind tonight witch means not much bleeding that I need to do tonight.

Cleaning out my head

I'm a military wife and a mother of two great kids(one girl & one boy). My Husband is over in Iraq for the fifth time(witch he has volunteered to do each time). I drive a school bus witch is ok.

I don't mind what my Husband is doing I just wish he would spend more time with me and the kids. We have been married for Fifteen years and only been togather about five of those years maybe six. But it's not bad most of the time. Spending time with my kids is great I love being a mom it's just I know there dad is missing out on so much.

It worries me with him being over there not so much about the fact that somthing could happen to him, please don't get me wrong I LOVE MY HUSBAND with all my Heart and I would be hurt if anything ever happened to him. It's more of him getting on the internet that worries me. See we or I should say he has a thing about creating new accounts and actting like his not married or has any kids, but he tell women that he is looking for someone to have a family with. He has done this four times when he has been over there and ever time he goes back over there he says it will never happen again but it dose. If you think he told me about doing these things you would be wrong. Lets just say i'm good at find things out when it comes to checking the history of his computer. I pray that he dosen't do anything this time, because I told him that if he dose it again then it will be over. He told me that he dosen't want to lose me or the kids so I have nothing to worry about (I hope he's telling the truth).

Anyway that is just alittle bleeding that I needed to do. Have a good day or night what ever the case may be.