I got to talk to my Husband today, it was so good to hear his voice. The man can drive me crazy (sexually) with his voice or just look or even a touch. He thinks I'm making it up about how he can drive me crazy that way. Even if I'm mad at him and I don't want to be turned on because I want to hang on to my anger all he has to do look at me and I'm ready to go to bed with him. What can I say I guess I'm easy when comes to him.
He will be coming home for his week R&R next month and I can't wait. It will be good for the kids to see there DAD. I think it will also make it hard when his leave is up and the kids have to by again to him. I know it will be hard on him as well and I'm not going to be happy with it either but it's what he has to do.
I try to not let it get to me, I mean he was in the army when we meat so I knew what I was getting into. Even though it is hard I am very proud of him for he is a great solider (father, and Husband) I need to tell him that more. For me it's hard with how much he keeping going over there because it dose change him a little more each time. My fear is that he will come back like my dad did from Vietnam (violent). So fare the only thing that has change it doesn't take him long to get upset and his driving (road rage). But other than that all is ok. I try not to push his buttons when he is getting up set but it's hard for me I'm not one who likes to back down. It comes from having a father who like to hit not just my mom but also me. Some say it was my own doing because I would step in front of my mom or run my mouth at him. To me backing to shows fear or weakness. Me I think so times I'm just to stupid to know when to let something go. My Mom says that I'm hard headed and don't like to feel like someone is trying to push me around or walk over me. Maybe she's right, I don't want to be helpless like she was or like she felt. I don't blame my Mom for me getting hit, for that was all me I should of stayed out of adult stuff. I have two older bothers how were smart enough to stay out of it.
That's all I feel like I need to bleed out for now.
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